Introspection

Some of you have been asking me to post a bio of myself. I simply cut and pasted from my facebook page. I think I covered all of the salient facts.

My lovemaking is detected with a seismograph; black cats fear to cross my path; any beach I am on instantly becomes clothing-optional; I can cook a ten minute egg in five minutes; sharks have a week dedicated to me; my blood smells like expensive cologne; Hugh Hefner asks for my cast-offs; when I look into the mirror, my reflection gives me a thumbs-up; whenever I go swimming, dolphins appear and swim with me; at museums, the curators invite me to touch the art; I wouldn't be afraid to show my feminine side--if I had one; I can speak German...in Spanish; I explored the Virgin Islands and when I left, they were just-the islands; I can order breakfast at any time of the day at McDonalds; on Halloween, the neighborhood kids bring me candy; I won the Tour de France but was disqualified for riding a unicycle; when I go to restaurants, the waiters tip me; my legend precedes me the way lighting precedes thunder.

My ego is only exceeded by my abject humility. In fact, my humility is humbling to most people.