Health Q and A

This comes from a physician who advocates a new way of looking at health.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is good for so many beats and that's it. Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer. That's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. What are they? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetables). A pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: Not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more goodness that way. Beer is also made from grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I handle my body fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio is 1:1. If you have two bodies, the ratio is 2:1.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. in fact, they're permeated in it. How could be getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Cocoa beans are another vegetable. 

Q: Is swimming good for slimming my figure?

A: Look at whales. What do you think?