Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Why am I screwed up?

As a child I saw Tarzan nearly naked on television, Cinderella arrived home after midnight, Pinnochio told lies, Aladdin was a thief, Batman drove over 200 miles per hour, Snow White lived in a house with seven perverted guys, Popeye smoked a pipe and had tattoos, Pac Man ran around to digital music and popped pills that enhanced his performance - it's not my fault. I blame my programming.

My baby picture.
Then they added flesh to the cyborg body and things got even more out of control.

My personality is so magnetic that I can't carry credit cards.
(I'm the only person in history ever to ace a Rorschach Test.)

But in the end, I'm just a misunderstood result of television programming. As such, I might become US President one day because I'm so effective at blaming others for the "so-called faults" that they see in me.


Opus #6 said...

Old fashioned fairy tales often had a moral to the story.

Snow White: beauty is only skin deep. Character counts.

Cinderella: persevere through hard times and things will get better.

Pinocchio: character counts.

darlin said...

LL you've just begun, you failed to mention the lies your parents must have told you. For example, there's no Santa Claus, the tooth Fairy, nope, the Easter Bunny, well that's a big fat lie and if you're a good boy you'll get a treat (bribery).

I totally understand why we're all messed up! Sure run for president, I'll become a US citizen just so that I can vote for you. Once you're in office then you can lie to everyone and continue the cycle, what a good 'boy' you are.

Should I call you Superman? I'm Wonder Woman... I always wonder what the hell I'm going to do next! lol

LL said...

Darlin - Surely you jest. I was rewarded by gifts for sitting on the old strange man's lap..., There were coins under my pillow--proof positive of a tooth fairy and how could there not be an Easter Bunny?

You don't dare intimate that I have been hoodwinked yet AGAIN? OH CRUEL FATE!!!

LL said...

Yes, Darlin - my thesis holds true - I must seek solace in public office where I can EFFECTIVELY place blame on others for my problems.

WoFat said...

I blame the Lone Ranger; he wore a mask and hung out with an Indian who was much smarter than him.

Captain Midnight and Tom Corbett were the future to look forward to. And when it was darkest before the dawn, or whenever, there was always Bob Hope.

Race Bannon said...

LL, did you ever try to shoot the gun out of his hand?

After a police involved shooting, you will still hear that one...I would love to hear an officer say, "I tried to shoot the gun out of his hand, but missed, and put two to the chest, one..."

AmandaFienPhotography said...

hahahahahaha Love it...

LL said...

Race - for the record, I NEVER tried to shoot the gun out of anyone's hand despite the urging of the defense attorney in the civil suit that it would be preferable to two in the heart and one in the head (failure-drill)... I've also used a shotgun which brought the accusation of "filling them full of holes" when I only shot twice (24 pellets from 12 ga magnum rounds).

People are uncomfortable when you're not apologetic. My Navy side response when people asked "what do you do for a living, young man" was, "I kill people." But I always said it with a smile and it prompted no follow up questions.

Amanda - you know your father...

Xmichra said...

Don't forget that Mr.Rodger's told you to escape to the land of make beleive, Bert & Ernie had you question your sexuality and the flashing pinball number sequence from seasame street has you hyper-intense about math.

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