Sunday, December 15, 2013

Dating Guide for Men


First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
Third date: You get to have sex but only when she wants to and only in the missionary position.


First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex. 


First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents. Her mom makes spaghetti and meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you and insists on a 3 karat ring.
Fourth Date: She's pregnant.
5th Anniversary: You already have five children together and hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You have a mistress.


First Date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second Date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third Date: You don't even get to the third date because you realize that nothing is ever going to happen.


First Date: Meet her parents.
Second Date: Set the wedding date.
Third Date: Wedding night.


First Date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy both she and her girlfriends an expensive dinner.
Third Date: You pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by somebody else.


First Date: You buy an expensive dinner, get drunk on tequila and have sex in the back of the car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in.

One week later, her mother, father, her two sisters, her brother, all of their children, her grandmother, her sister's boyfriend and his three children move in. You subsist on rice and beans for the rest of your  life. Your house that used to be nice now looks like a home along the Tijuana Strip.


First Date: You spend all of your money to impress her.
Second Date: You take a loan to keep the image.
Third Date: You're broke. She finds somebody wealthier.


First Date: Mother, father, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends and the entire community finds out.
Second Date: You're shot dead in the street and your balls are fed to the goats.
No Third Date

Don't you just love Irish girls?


WoFat said...

Better Irish than Arab.

Opus #6 said...

If you like your Irish woman, you can keep your Irish woman. Period.

LL said...

WoFat - Better "red" than dead?

Opus#6 - That seems to be the trend.

Azra said...

HAHAHAHA!! As I was reading this, I couldn't help but think that the Irish women would win hands down.

Race Bannon said...

I was thinking the same thing, before I got to the end.

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