Sunday, August 14, 2011

Hail Baby

There's a baby living in my house. You read it on previous blogging. The greatest sin in a home with a baby present is: Waking up the baby!

Babies wield tremendous influence, disproportionate to their size. I recalled a Married with Children episode where the actors all 'did their hail baby' and thought that it might serve as a blog about the condition of people with a new baby in the house.

TRANSCRIPT: Married With Children

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Regular Cast: 
 Al Bundy...................Ed O'Neill 
Peg Bundy..................Katey Sagal 
Marcy D'Arcy...............Amanda Bearse 
Kelly Bundy................Christina Applegate 
Bud Bundy..................David Faustino 

ACT ONE SCENE ONE A "baby meeting" in the kitchen Closeup on Peggy 

PEGGY Hear-he, hear-he. I am now officially opening the weekly Bundy baby meeting, which we all look forward to so much. [chuckles] We see that the other three Bundys are asleep with their heads on the kitchen table. 

PEGGY [calling out] Dinner time! Al and Bud wake with a start. 

PEGGY Just kidding. [laughs] 

AL I love you, Peg. 

AL Just kidding. 

PEGGY That was your daddy. I know he doesn't sound like much, but ooh, he brings in the big bucks. [to others] Now we shall begin with the traditional salutation. Al and Bud get up.  

AL & BUD [with a complete lack of enthusiasm] Hail baby. They sit back down. 

BUD [sarcastically] I'm truly honored. Bud takes Kelly's notepad and gets up. 

BUD Hail baby. [reading out loud] "I can no longer write down the insane bellowing of what used to be my mother". [becoming interested] "This baby is a curse to us all. Wait, I'm supposed to rise and give a 'hail baby'. There, I've done it. I feel cheaper than I've ever felt, and that's saying something". Peggy snatches the notebook from Bud's hands and hits Kelly in the head with it. Kelly wakes up. 

PEGGY And now we will hear from the treasurer. Al clears his throat and gets up. 

AL According to my research, it takes $780,000 to raise a baby from birth to college. Thankfully, since I sold a shoe last week, I am proud to anounce that we're now just short $780,000. Thank you very much. Al sits down, then gets up again. 

AL Hail baby. 


Opus #6 said...

Babies are a huge blessing.

Additionally, it is incredibly hard to have a newborn baby in your house.

Hail family.

WoFat said...

I see the pressure's finally got to you.

darlin said...

WoFat you're hilarious!

LL I see that you know to NEVER wake the baby, smart man you are! And what an adorable bundle of joy, as long as he gets his sleep you'll all survive.

Married with children was a fantastic show, I used to watch it all the time.

Race Bannon said...

Just like all other things in life, there is a Seinfeld episode regarding this...."So Jerry, when are you gonna come see the baby, you gotta see the baby..."

Azra said...

LOL. I used to love Married with Children and I'm sure Al was my Dad's hero.

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