Random Acts of Mischief

My oldest daughter is teaching her sons to undertake random acts of kindness. While I applaud that behavior and even did it when I was raising children, there is another way to engage the world.

Some aging males are forced to exact a measure of justice on the societies that spawned them and that they were forced to live with for a very long time. Call it a reaction to political correctness combined with way too much time on your hands.

This is a short list and it's not completely original with me, though I must confess that I have tried some of them and the ones that I tried, worked. My victims shopped in Walmart, but Target works too.

(1) Take boxes of condoms from the shelves and randomly distribute them into people's shopping carts when they're not looking.

(2) Set the alarm clocks plugged in for demonstration purposes in the Housewares Department to go off in sequence.

(3) Make a trail of tomato juice leading from the sales floor into the women's restroom.

(4) Put on Halloween masks and wear them around the store while you're shopping (seasonal). I prefer the zombie Obama masks but that's a personal choice.

(5) Select the women who "dress up to go to Walmart" and push your cart around behind them. Don't say a word. When accosted for stalking, smile and offer them something from your shopping cart by way of an apology.

(6) You can only do this once per store -- go into a fitting room and then yell out, "Hey, there's no toilet paper in here!"

(7) Buy half a dozen hamburgers in Walmart (in-store McDonalds) and take a monster bite out of each one and leave them strategically throughout the store. This doesn't work in some Walmarts because other customers simply finish them before your actions annoy the store staff.

(8) Superglue or epoxy quarters and Susan B. Anthony dollars (only available at the Post office) to the floor of seldom trod aisles. Three or four dollars will provide hours of amusement. In Walmarts near the US/Mexico Border, 10 peso coins work equally as well and I usually have dozens of 'brown coins' when I return home from 'down south' where I work.