Sunday, May 8, 2011

Growing up Male

It's Mother's Day and I'm blogging from the nation's capital where I am for work for the next couple of days. I could always post a traditional, somewhat sentimental Mother's Day blog, but what fun would there be in that.

Our 'progressive' society has fostered the disintegration of the nuclear family and all too often, it has fallen to mothers to raise boys. I'm not blaming women (or men) for this situation, but when men are raised by feminist mothers, they grow up learning the value of sensitivity, gentleness, thoughtfulness and the inappropriateness of aggression. In order to remain 'nice boys', they have forsaken those aggressive aspects of themselves in order to retain the primary source of love and admiration: the mother. The result is an unhappy, if polite, man with no fierceness who doesn't know what he wants. 

Barbara Rogoff (2003) researched cross-cultural themes of human development. Her work found that in societies where boys have low contact with male role models, such as when children are raised with the women and men living in separate dwelling and there are none of the 'rites of male passage' that are common in father-son interaction that there are two likely results: (1) Young men are likely to gang together and create initiation experiences of their own through gang activity. (2) Males identify with female qualities and activities. "Interestingl, absence of fathers and initiation, high gang activity and high risk behavior and an increase in feminine or 'soft' males are all widely observed in modern American culture.

William Pollack wrote, "Indeed, we live in a time of fallen heroes. The monuments built of men, by men and for men are tumbling...even men's virtues are now suspect as vices: Power has turned out to be oppression, strength [to be] rigidity, and self-sufficiency [to be] an inability to be emotionally close...It is a difficult time to be proud of being a man. In fact it is a confusing time in which to understand what being a man really is (Wm. Pollack - study, 1995, pp. 62-63)

This persisting cultural disorientation is accompanied by distressing demographic trends. Research shows that boys are performing less well in school than they have in the past and depression and suicide among boys is rising rapidly (Pollack 2006). Boys account for 80%-90% of the ADHD diagnosis in the country (APA 2000).  Though it's not politically correct to bring gender into the mix these days, it seems to me that a great deal of what is considered to be ADHD might have to do with boys needing to be men and having it repressed at home and at school.

Progressive and liberal culture has taught modern men that fierceness is wrong, as is winning (we're ALL winners) and that the traditional male role as protector/killer/hunter/provider is (and from the liberal mindset always was) wrong. However I argue that self-actualization for men can only come when they are allowed to be men - allowed to be protector and provider. When you remove that part of the equation, you end up with a dysfunctional society -- like the one we are proudly building.


Opus #6 said...

I agree with everything you said. And with the advent of the school house 100 or so years ago, boys have been expected to sit at desks and behave like girls all day. I feel sorry for the masculine ones. They have a hard time of it and get in trouble. Too bad they don't have PE classes with horseback riding and archery.

darlin said...

Well I must be out of the "norm" according to the stats LL. I raised my boys pretty much on my own and my sons do not by any means fit into the category of being soft nor do they possess feminine qualities. Sure my boys show respect and hold open doors for elders, they are polite but don't piss them off nor insult their mother.

I had a bit of an issue with one of my nephew's a few months back, that boy was raised in immense dysfunction and it shows in his choices, he used the wrong word choices on me, well don't threaten me or I'll ensure something is done, I don't take no crap from anyone period. I let my sons know what was said and the minute my eldest son heard what had transpired he went and immediately picked up my second son and went over to "visit" with my nephew. My nephew has not since bothered me and he now knows not to mess with me. I have done nothing to this man and he has no reason other than the hatred of women to attack me.

So you be the judge, does it really make a difference if a boy is reared by a mother? I'd say not. I taught my boys not to take the first swing but if someone swung at them then take them down and go to any lengths other than weapons to do so.

It was challenging to raise children on my own but I'm sure proud of all my children and how they choose to live their lives today.

By the way, you just failed women's studies! lol I just had an additional thought here, what if girls are raised by fathers without a female influence in their life? Will the girl take on the gender specific masculine role? I understand what you're saying and I agree that men don't know what gender specific roles are anymore. I think that men who are not born in this day and age cannot seem to understand the gender roles, hell I can't even understand the gender roles of today's teens. Everyone is messed up, as you said we live within a dysfunctional society where there is little to no respect and if there is anyone to blame for this it's the government. It's the government and society who has forced a dual income upon families. So who is watching and teaching the children? Foreign nannies and daycare workers is who while Mommy now has to work in order for the family to be able to afford a home and keep food on the table. Not everyone has the luxury of a high single income and with the cost of living so bloody high it's any wonder that the younger generation can even afford to purchase their own home.

K that's about enough from me for now... Enjoy your day and I'm looking forward to photos of Washington!

LL said...

I'm sure that I'd fail womyn's studies...

I can't see any earth-mother Gaia-loving progressive/liberal womyn wanting my input on any subject.

Xmichra said...

I disagree with pretty well the whole post. But hope your day was good regardless ;)

LL said...

It would seem to be very politically correct to be proud to be a woman...and not very correct to be proud to be a man.

It's tough to argue the suicide stats or low male performance in school. One must examine the cause without prejudice to find the effect.

I don't claim that I'm right. Simply that it might warrant a closer view.

darlin said...

I would say it's politically correct to be a female OR a male and be proud of who you are. That's my opinion.

It's tough to get any type of research done without some type of bias, we live in a biased society and I feel that there will always be some type of prejudice in any type of research conducted. The differences are generally the first bias, why not look at the similarities of both sexes vs. the differences?

I love a man who knows who he is and how to make a decision, indecisiveness is one of the biggest turn offs to me. A man who can stand his ground and not cower down from anyone or anything, but it seems I only see these type of men in movies these days. It's becoming a thing of the past I do believe.

I often wish we could turn back the clock a ways and no not as far back to when women had no rights, just back far enough when we all knew who in the heck we are and where we want to be in life. Was there really ever such a time? A time when couples said I do and meant it through thick or through thin... ya I'm a dreamer!

I hope you're enjoying your day LL, very thought provoking post for sure.

Euripides said...

I agree. This is what comes from feminist ideology, from Dr. Spock's idiocy about raising children, and from a society increasingly based on moral relativism. It's the neutering of society, the idea that there are no differences between the sexes, that we are interchangeable, and must all be treated "equally." And by equally, I mean suppressing traditional male roles.

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