Tuesday, March 4, 2014

The White House Strikes Back

In what some progressives are calling a bold and unprecedented move, President Barack Obama responded harshly to the Russian invasion of sovereign Ukrainian territory when they crossed the frontier with special forces and paratroops and at the same time, landed two divisions of Naval Infantry at Sevastopol. 

From now on, joining with First Lady Michelle's effort to stop people from eating food that she doesn't like - Russian Dressing will be removed from the shelves of markets all across in America.

Press Secretary Jay Carney emphasized the administration's move. "We wanted to send a tough, unambiguous message to the world."

Russian President Putin is reportedly torn between his interest in annexing the Crimea and Eastern Ukraine and his interest in giving Americans access to Russian dressing for their salad. It may be propaganda, but Russian Ambassador Dmitry Kissoff suggested that Michelle Obama secretly uses Russian dressing on her salad - how else would the mere shadow cast by her ample rear weigh 50 lbs?


WoFat said...

Putin behaves like a junior-high football player. obama behaves like a prom queen

LL said...

I don't think that Obama would disagree with that. And that is disturbing in and of itself.

Nate said...

Moochelle can try to take away our Russian dressing, but...thank G_d for the Internet: http://www.food.com/recipe/russian-salad-dressing-87710

LL said...

Nate, the processors for Russian salad dressing in America could become as illegal narcotics precursors as Obama moves to punish Putin.

And if salad dressing is illegal, one can only guess how many years you'd do in prison for eating a bowl of borscht.

Euripides said...

When discovered eating a 20,000 calorie salad, slathered in Russian dressing, Michelle was heard to say: "It isn't Russian dressing. It's freedom dressing."

In other news, the Wishbone Company was picketed by 10 Occupy Wall Street protesters because its Russian dressing stereotypes Russians.

Azra said...

So, in some weird way, I understand why in most of the pre-9/11 movies all the bad guys are Russians :P

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